Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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