This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
