I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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