youre lurking in front of me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
