and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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