Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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