I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize