i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
