I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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