you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
