Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
