There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
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I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This is my gift to your gina
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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