i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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