There is no way he is gay with that hair.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
