I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
