I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize