And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
