so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
