so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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