I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
