you traded sex for a burrito?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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