I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
