my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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