So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
vagina is talking i cant
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
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I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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