They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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