I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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