I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
