i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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