So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
50% drunk capacity currently
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
