By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
