I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
