I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
