she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
