If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
