you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
