My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't deserve a penis
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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