TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
