Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
