whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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