fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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