I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
