I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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