She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
