I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
