You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
