I puked a lego.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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