Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just high enough for therapy.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to calm my uterus...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
