Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
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Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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