would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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