remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
