Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
