He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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