Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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