Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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