I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
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yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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