Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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