I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
