this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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