Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
