Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i came on her dog
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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