So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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