Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Let's paint friendship bongs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
