New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize
